Fantasy Football Week Seven

Week 7:  Neck-Beard Slays The Forehead

Von Miller is Back!  Surely this is going to fix Denver’s defense and make them truly unstoppa-

Final

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
•  
• T

Broncos

(6-1, 2-1 away)

• 7
• 7
• 3
• 16
•  
• 33

Colts

(5-2, 3-1 home)

• 10
• 16
• 7
• 6
•  
• 39

Oh.  So much for what seemed like the best chance at 19-0 in the last few years

Hey but also this week, Gronk is back!  And he got over 100 yards!  This is going to change everything now that Tom Brady has a legit receiver to thr-

Final/OT

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• OT
• T

Patriots

(5-2, 2-2 away)

• 14
• 7
• 0
• 6
• 0
• 27

Jets

(4-3, 3-1 home)

• 7
• 3
• 17
• 0
• 3
• 30

Ah.  Hmm.  Okay, sure.

Oh, oh, Josh Freeman!  First start for the Vikings!  Surely any Alex Smithonian level of competence will be all AP needs to run over the winless Gia-

Final

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
•  
• T

Vikings

(1-5, 0-3 away)

• 7
• 0
• 0
• 0
•  
• 7

Giants

(1-6, 1-2 home)

• 3
• 7
• 7
• 6
•  
• 23

Sigh.  The best Sunday Night game in a while was promptly followed by probably the worst Monday Night game in history.  Anyone with fantasy implications made to watch that game probably would have traded a loss just to unsee all sixty minutes of that.  On the upside was that totally badass Jared Allen sack and yet another big, slow, wrecking ball of a RB coming off his livingroom couch to put up feature back numbers for the Giants this week.  

Top Players

GIANT PROBLEM

QB

Matthew Stafford, Det QB

Cin

L 24-27

26.3

Back to back fantasy QB leader!  Not listed is Andrew Luck and RG3 sitting on the bench, and Andy Dalton hanging out on the wire.  Stafford is now the #2 overall fantasy QB!

ROMOCOP TO THE RESCUE

RB

Matt Forte, Chi RB

@Wsh

L 41-45

28.9

Josh McCown plus 41 points must mean a huge day for Matt Forte.  Coming in behind him was a wacky 3 TD effort by Roy Helu!  Shanahanagans is back after being notably absent last year.

SOPO MURDERERS

WR

Calvin Johnson, Det WR  P

Cin

L 24-27

27.5

Megatron’s best week so far!  Must have been that Diddy commercial.

TEAM WESTERHAUS

TE

Jermichael Finley*, GB TE  O

Cle

W 31-13

13.2

Amaaaaaziiing graaaaace.  How sweeeeeeet the

Seriously though I’d probably stop playing football if I were Jermike.  It was a good run, but we don’t want another Austin Collie situation on all of our hands.  Bad week for TEs I guess, lead by a breakout game by Jordan Reed, the next Jordan Cameron.

BOSTIC STICKS

D/ST

Panthers D/ST D/ST

StL

W 30-15

17

Probably the most surprising defense this year.  Chiefs, Seahawks, Panthers.  Those are the top 3 DSTs.  Recalibrate your draftometers.

ROMOCOP TO THE RESCUE

K

Adam Vinatieri, Ind K

Den

W 39-33

16

Taylor had to drop Steve Smith to pick up a kicker.  Hard to argue with the choice.  (Still lost.)

Weekly Prizes

Most rushing yards by a QB.

Winner: Bostic Sticks, Russell Wilson 29 yards.

Wait, WHAT?  Where’s RG3?  Oh, racked up 84 yards on my bench. Would have won this prize and turned my L into a W.  Where’s Kaep?  Oh, racked up 68 yards on Mike’s bench.  Would have won this prize and turned his L into a W.  News alert: trying to win your weekly matchup and trying to win the weekly prize are not opposites!

Next Week:  Best QB completion percentage (min 20 attempts).  That should be a fun one!

Internet GIF of the Week