Week 5: Tony Romo’s Career In One Game
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TONY GUTIERREZ/AP |
I’m not sure when the last time losing a game and falling below 500 ever solidified a team for a lock to win their division, but it’s hard to argue the Cowboy’s aren't the clear favorites in the NFC-East now. They came closer to beating the Broncos than what might be anyone else this whole season. To add insult to injury, he was benched this week in our league by a team literally named after him.
We also just witnessed the last of the wheels fly off the Falcon’s wagon. The NFC is really taking a back seat this year. Poor Tony G would have been better of spending his last year back on the Chiefs.
And also, Terrelle Pryor and Geno Smith: Legit Situational Bye-Week Quarterbacks.
Top Players
TEAM BLANCHARD
QB
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Peyton Manning, Den QB
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35.8
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Well, we all know how this one turned out. Tony Romo put up 40.9 points on Taylor’s bench and he ended up eeking out a win by a few hundredths of a point. But to really put a focus on how out of his mind Peyton is playing fantasy football, he’s averaging 31.2 points a game. Second place is Brees with 23.5 points. So what you’re happy to get out of your tight end is how much Peyton gets on average over the second best QB. If we redrafted today, I think there’s a legit argument for QB in the first round once again. Also he’s good for rushing touchdowns, don’t forget!
TEAM BLANCHARD
RB
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Knowshon Moreno, Den RB
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21
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The top spot again went to Taylor’s bench in the form of Fred “Older and Slower and Somehow Much Better than CJ Spiller” Jackson. We’ll see if FJax finally earned his starting spot on Taylor’s team. Second place was frustrating timeshare participant Pierre Thomas, also on Eric’s bench (benefiting from Ingram being out). And then Knowshon. Timeshares be damned. Eric is the overall point leader five weeks in! And time is ticking for David Wilson to make up for his end of one trade we’ve had this season. Don’t let that scare everyone away, some trades should benefit both teams! Everyone go to the trading block and start clicking on things!
CHERRY LOZENGES
WR
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Dez Bryant, Dal WR
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24.1
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Alshon Jeffery and TY Hilton actually lead in WR’s from the waivers and bench, respectively. So there is value out there on the wire! Dez takes the #1 fantasy receiver spot now, averaging 15.3 points a game. Is your 3rd round pick averaging 15.3 points a game? Hell, is your second round pick? Maybe drafting WRs a bit earlier isn’t as bananas as it had once seemed.
ROMOCOP TO THE RESCUE
TE
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Julius Thomas, Den TE
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24.2
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Orange Julius now the second overall TE. Has everyone figured out which Denver Thomas is which at a glance? Numbers 80 and 88.
SOPO MURDERERS
D/ST
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49ers D/ST D/ST
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22
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So the record four pick sixes in a row is ongoing. Who’s feeling like streaming a defense against Shaub? Rams are on waiver right now! I’m also fascinated to see the 49ers get better on defense as they continue to lose pieces. Speaking of DSTs, I noticed if you take the top twenty scoring fantasy players of all positions (by average pts/week to neglect byes), you'll find 15 QBs, 3 RB, 1 TE, 0 WR, and 1 DST. The Chiefs are averaging 17.8 points a game, more than the best wide receiver, fourth best runningback and second best tight end. The Seahawks are in second with 12.6.
SOPO MURDERERS
K
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18
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Number 1 overall kicker. Everyone please take a second to click on Prater’s player card on the espn website and look at the XP column. Jesus god damned Christ. His field goals are just gravy. And the number two overall kicker? You guessed it: Mason Crosby. He put up 20 points this week. Him and Akers are starting strong after a sad finish to last year. Perhaps I should stop making fun of him. But I really really want to see Harvard Youtubeman.
Weekly Prizes
Longest Field Goal
Winner: Team Westerhaus
Field Goal: 53 yards by David Akers! How’s that for a bye-week kicker?
Most Return Yards by a DST
Winner: Team Kaplan
Return Yards: 178 by the Ravens!
Next Week: Most points in a losing effort.
Internet GIF of the Week
This is why we need the All-22 footage! Network cameras don't even track the guy with the damn ball! I'd also like to see an annotated gif pointing out precisely when each defender realizes Old Man Peyton just naked bootlegged the shit out of them. Indicated by those anime head-teardrop thingies.
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