Week Three: Brown Town
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| (AP Photo/Ann Heisenfelt) |
Casting off the dead weight of a first-round QB and feature RB the Browns were finally able to put something together this last Sunday to the delight of the citizens of Cleveland and one Matthew Cassel. The cumulative bench points put up by Josh Gordon and Jordan Cameron of all fantasy football players nationwide must have constituted a staggering number of losses to people whose only crime was betting against the Browns. The Browns missing two key pieces of their offense. Playing against a playoff team. (Okay technically a playoff team.)
Remember last season when the AFC was largely a joke? It seemed like you could take any sub par NFC team and toss them over the fence and they’d instantly be vying for a wildcard. Coming into this season it felt like the Rams would probably do pretty well against, say, the Colts. Well so far the AFC is 11-3 against the NFC. And how do we reward them? We retooled the Pro Bowl so it’s not even a conference showdown anymore. How about we put the Saints vs the Bears and the winner plays the Seahawks for the NFC title and just give everyone else in the NFC the year off. I sure as hell am not looking forward to all the media story-lines about Tony Romo leading the negative point differential Cowboys to a 9-7 division victory and playing a shambling Falcons in the wildcard round. All for the right to get shithoused in Seattle the next week like the last 15 games meant anything.
Now I know what its been like to be a Bengals or Texans fan the last few years. Glad I decided to hitch my wagon to Alex Smith this year. Yeah, you scramble for two yards on third and long to preserve the turnover ratio, you glorious motherfucker.
Top Team Players
THIS ONE'S FOR COACH (PURSE)
QB
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Drew Brees, NO QB
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31.8
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First of all, excellent fantasy team name! Not sure I've mentioned that yet. You’d think with all the effort I put into this I’d have done better with my team name than the first thing that came to mind four years ago and stuck with it. Maybe next year I’ll make some play on the fact that Alex Smith now has more rings than Kaepernick.
Anyway Drew Brees, he’s back after a down week! Seems the top guys have all had one stumble in the first three weeks, Peyton aside perhaps. But the universe rights itself. Next week he’ll be facing off against surprisingly-not-Brandon-Weeden-Esque 2012 first round draft quarterback Ryan Tannehill in an undefeated team national game.
GIANT PROBLEM
RB
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Jamaal Charles, KC RB
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23.2
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JC still looking good and without a P or Q next to his name! Wasn’t watching Andy Reid get the Gatorade after a week 3 inter-conference game just magical? With how crazy Shady has been this year it was good to see the Eagles get put in their place now that daddy was home.
Top RB of the week was actually DeMarco Murray, but being DeMarco Murray it was not clear he was going to out produce some rookie WR on Sunday morning so he was benched. Can’t say I really disagreed at the time, but there you have it.
ROMOCOP TO THE RESCUE
WR
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Antonio Brown, Pit WR
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31.6
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The man that single-handedly made me watch the Monday night game and robbed me of $15 by blasting Taylor’s score from the depths of CJ Spiller oppression to Otherwise Solid Week levels of competition. Speaking of… is there a CJ Spiller support group yet? At least the poor Ray Rice people have the luxury of being forced to bench him and hoping for the prospect of a big day out of Belial Powel or something.
JUST HAVIN' FUN OUT THERE
TE
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Jimmy Graham, NO TE
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25.4
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Ahh, here we are again. Leading up to the draft it wasn't hard to justify a super early pick on Graham as the only tier one tight end and for those of us who did it Week One shook us to our very core. But a couple weeks later Jimmy’s still on top followed by the aforementioned Jordan Cameron and then… guess who? That’s right, Scott Chandler and Zach Miller. This is the Tight End hellscape we’re all unfortunately comfortable with by now. Is Gronk back yet?
BOSTIC STICKS
D/ST
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Bears D/ST D/ST
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24
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Back to last year’s form! Two touchdowns is more than some team’s offense put up in week 3. Not to take anything away from them, but the Panthers pitched a shutout this week and only managed 23 points. Maybe next year we can give an extra big bonus to that first category of zero points against? For funzies?
SOPO MURDERERS
K
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Matt Prater, Den K
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17
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Is literally anyone not a total lock for points on the Broncos this year? Prater moves into first place amongst kickers! Too bad in the Browns game the punter got a touchdown pass and not the kicker. Wait wasn’t he kicking extra points too? Poor guy put up a decent fantasy day and he’s not even eligible in the vast majority of formats.
Weekly Prize
They’re here! The weekly prizes! Woohoo!
Week 3: Biggest margin of victory
Winner: This One’s for Coach (purse)
Margin: 27.6 pts!
Next week gets considerably more interesting:
Week 4: Most catches by a TE
Week 4: Most bench points
Double prize!
Internet GIF of the Week:
Yes, I know Jay Cutler totally blew up some dude and it was awesome. But c'mon, he was riding a god damn unicorn last week. This guy's showing the other rookie RB's how its done and has finally cracked the top 10 fantasy RBs in part to this acrobatics skill check.
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