Sunday, October 27, 2013

Fantasy Football Week Seven

Week 7:  Neck-Beard Slays The Forehead

Von Miller is Back!  Surely this is going to fix Denver’s defense and make them truly unstoppa-

Final
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  •  
  • T
(6-1, 2-1 away)
  • 7
  • 7
  • 3
  • 16
  •  
  • 33
(5-2, 3-1 home)
  • 10
  • 16
  • 7
  • 6
  •  
  • 39
Oh.  So much for what seemed like the best chance at 19-0 in the last few years



Hey but also this week, Gronk is back!  And he got over 100 yards!  This is going to change everything now that Tom Brady has a legit receiver to thr-
Final/OT
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • OT
  • T
(5-2, 2-2 away)
  • 14
  • 7
  • 0
  • 6
  • 0
  • 27
(4-3, 3-1 home)
  • 7
  • 3
  • 17
  • 0
  • 3
  • 30



Ah.  Hmm.  Okay, sure.
Oh, oh, Josh Freeman!  First start for the Vikings!  Surely any Alex Smithonian level of competence will be all AP needs to run over the winless Gia-
Final
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  •  
  • T
(1-5, 0-3 away)
  • 7
  • 0
  • 0
  • 0
  •  
  • 7
(1-6, 1-2 home)
  • 3
  • 7
  • 7
  • 6
  •  
  • 23



Sigh.  The best Sunday Night game in a while was promptly followed by probably the worst Monday Night game in history.  Anyone with fantasy implications made to watch that game probably would have traded a loss just to unsee all sixty minutes of that.  On the upside was that totally badass Jared Allen sack and yet another big, slow, wrecking ball of a RB coming off his livingroom couch to put up feature back numbers for the Giants this week.  

Top Players
GIANT PROBLEM
QB
26.3
Back to back fantasy QB leader!  Not listed is Andrew Luck and RG3 sitting on the bench, and Andy Dalton hanging out on the wire.  Stafford is now the #2 overall fantasy QB!




ROMOCOP TO THE RESCUE
RB
Matt Forte, Chi RB
28.9
Josh McCown plus 41 points must mean a huge day for Matt Forte.  Coming in behind him was a wacky 3 TD effort by Roy Helu!  Shanahanagans is back after being notably absent last year.


SOPO MURDERERS
WR
Calvin Johnson, Det WR  P
27.5
Megatron’s best week so far!  Must have been that Diddy commercial.




TEAM WESTERHAUS
TE
Jermichael Finley*, GB TE  O
13.2
Amaaaaaziiing graaaaace.  How sweeeeeeet the

Seriously though I’d probably stop playing football if I were Jermike.  It was a good run, but we don’t want another Austin Collie situation on all of our hands.  Bad week for TEs I guess, lead by a breakout game by Jordan Reed, the next Jordan Cameron.




BOSTIC STICKS
D/ST
17
Probably the most surprising defense this year.  Chiefs, Seahawks, Panthers.  Those are the top 3 DSTs.  Recalibrate your draftometers.




ROMOCOP TO THE RESCUE
K
16
Taylor had to drop Steve Smith to pick up a kicker.  Hard to argue with the choice.  (Still lost.)
Weekly Prizes
Most rushing yards by a QB.
Winner: Bostic Sticks, Russell Wilson 29 yards.
Wait, WHAT?  Where’s RG3?  Oh, racked up 84 yards on my bench. Would have won this prize and turned my L into a W.  Where’s Kaep?  Oh, racked up 68 yards on Mike’s bench.  Would have won this prize and turned his L into a W.  News alert: trying to win your weekly matchup and trying to win the weekly prize are not opposites!
Next Week:  Best QB completion percentage (min 20 attempts).  That should be a fun one!



Internet GIF of the Week




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Thursday, October 17, 2013

Fantasy Football Week Six

Week 6:  One Minute Thirteen Seconds


Rob Ryan has the best hair in football, and he got to within one minute and thirteen seconds of doing what his brother failed to do in that sloppy, rainy, Thursday game a few weeks ago.
It will be okay, Rob, just hope you’re not going to Seattle for the NFCCG and you should be fine the rest of the way.  One less undefeated team…  Oh hey, if the Chiefs go undefeated up until their bye in week 10, we might get a undefeated face off with them and Denver in week 11!  And before you say ‘they can’t keep this up with Captain Tiny Hands McCheckdown at the helm' I’d remind you their remaining matches are: vHou vCle @Buf.  Yup.  And Houston is playing a guy you've never heard of at QB this week (not even Yates!).  If they head into the bye 9-0 I will deem the week 10 post “Chiefs Chat” and dedicate most of the post to a team that is not even playing that week.  Be warned!
In other news, Brandon Jacobs is back!  To ultimately no effect other than vulturing fantasy points away from Eli.  Did you feel it on Thursday, towards the end?  It was Eli time!  Didn't quite work out, but if that last pass was just a few inches lower and the universe would have resembled something just and balanced instead of crcontinuing hilarity.

And check out this awesome chart! I couldn't find the author but someone somewhere did something awesome.



Top Players
GIANT PROBLEM
QB
24.5
Tenth quarterback out of the draft has been solid so far this year!  Only the fourth best this week though behind a benched Cam Newton and waiver legends Nick Foles and Andy Dalton.  I look forward to Nick Foles being unironically started in the bye-week gauntlet.  


TEAM BLANCHARD
RB
28.4
Get comfortable.  The one week Peyton puts up less than 20 points means Knowshon delivers three touchdowns to Eric, our overall point leader.  And this was considered an underwhelming win against JAX.  Knowshon is now the fourth ranked RB!  




GIANT PROBLEM
WR
23.4
Hey remember how we’re supposed to shy away from newly starting quarterbacks?  This and the Brian Hoyer Experience beg to differ!  I expect DeAndre Hopkins to get 30 points this week with Houston Quarterback #3 (I refuse to look up his name).
TEAM BLANCHARD
TE
Vernon Davis, SF TE  P
30
Who cares about a WR shortage when you have Vernon Davis!  Also if you haven’t noticed all four of the top players so far have been included in the Giant Problem vs Team Blanchard matchup!


CHERRY LOZENGES
D/ST
25
Chiefs DST is now averaging 19 points a game.  And they’re gearing up for Pix-Six Factory The Texans.  They had 10 sacks against the Raiders, too.  I can’t wait for Chiefs Chat.




THIS ONE'S FOR COACH (PURSE)


Yeah yeah this guy did some stuff that didn't consist of a game winning drive in one minute and thirteen seconds, whatever.  Number 2 overall kicker, a mere five points behind the Denver’s extra point machine.



Weekly Prizes
Most Points in a Losing Effort
Winner: Giant Problem, 118.7 points!
Top QB + WR versus top RB+TE and losing by half a point!  Hard to ask for a better week to hand out this prize!
Next Week:  QB with most rushing yards.  And you have to had started him, too!
Internet GIF of the Week






This guy had 8 catches for 5 touchdowns this year! Goal Line Vulture includes more positions than just running back I suppose!



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