Sunday, November 17, 2013

Fantasy Football Week Ten

Week 10: Chiefs Chat


Here we stand at the high point of the season, Chiefs-wise.


Not much to report on week 10, as no Chiefs played any footballs. Instead, let’s look forward to the Sunday Night matchup of the season, Chiefs @ Broncos.







Key Matchups






Dontari Poe, Justin Houston, Tamba Hali versus Elderly Man With Large Forehead


As with any aggressive 3-4 defense, the NT and OLBs take center stage.  No longer considered a Chiefsian draft bust, Dontari Poe has 4.5 sacks and 3 passes defended.  What changed?  Could you believe he gave up barbeque this year to lose weight?   Kansas City Barbeque? More for Andy Reid, I suppose.


Justin Houston and Tamba Hali have combined for 20 sacks so far this year.  Expect one of them to be the most hated player in football after they have to call an ambulance onto the field after a 3rd and 20.


Robson Household Fun Fact: after a successful Madden 13 campaign, when Tamba Hali records a tackle for loss (virtually or in real life), it is appropriate for one to sing “T. Hali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa!”  Robin Williams’ approval still pending.






Colquitt versus Colquitt


Forget the Ryan brothers, forget the Harbaughs, forget the- wait I’m still not convinced there’s more than one McCown.  Have they ever played against each other??  Anyway.  Possible Chief’s MVP Dustin Colquitt faces his younger brother and otherwise complete failure Britton (yes, Britton) Colquitt.  Dustin has made so far the most impressive gif of this blog a few weeks back with video-game quality corner punts.  He also represents the Chiefs best ability to move the ball down the field, when typically followed up by a defensive takeaway.






Eric Berry versus Thunder


Through extensive counseling with Chiefs' resident equine Warpaint and diligent following of twitter phenom @horse_ebooks (if you don’t know what that is, this is why you don’t understand kids today), Eric Berry faces his ultimate test.  


Landing at an airport featuring what could only be described equal parts Satanic ritual and practical joke, Berry has nowhere to hide.  Every Bronco’s player features the head of the demon animal .  There’s a big plushie dumbass looking guy in a horse suit named ‘Miles’.  And of course there’s an 11 year old Arabian who senses fear in the opposing secondary.





Brandon Flowers versus Welker, or Thomas, or the other Thomas, or Decker, or oh god he’s screwed


I don’t even know man, this is gonna be brutal.  In total, the Chiefs have 12 interceptions this year, but it’s hard to imagine they’re gonna come easy in this game unless there’s a lot of pressure from front 7.  Robomanning only makes mistakes when he’s forced to disengage turret-mode and move about like a human man.





Alex Smith versus the World


The man who will get credit for everything if they win.  Alex hasn’t played particularly great this year but he leads all QBs in the only stat that matters, W’s.  Who would have thought he might get another crack at the championship game, but this time on the other side of the bracket.




Top Players



THIS ONE'S FOR COACH (PURSE)
QB
Drew Brees, NO QB
31.7


Who cares, not a Chief.



CHERRY LOZENGES
RB
Marshawn Lynch, Sea RB  P
22.1


Probably not a Chief.



BOSTIC STICKS
WR
28.8
Very low chance he’s a Chief.



ROMOCOP TO THE RESCUE
TE
Julius Thomas, Den TE  P
15.6


Nope.



THIS ONE'S FOR COACH (PURSE)
D/ST
16


Isn’t there usually a different team here?



CHERRY LOZENGES


More not Chiefs.



Weekly Prizes


Longest Reception
Winner:  Romocops to the Rescue!  Julius Thomas 74 yards!
Tavon Austin would have been the winner!



Next Week:  Longest Rush (any position) (starter)



Internet GIF of the Week





The end of my fantasy season realized.




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